Help teens transition to adulthood – start with driving

Guest Contributor: Mary Petersen, LMSW, ACSW is a clinical social worker and psychotherapist. For more information please visit www.marypetersen.com.

There’s an old saying: Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child. We (as a society) are doing the opposite. (Taken from The Fragile Generation by Skenazy and Haidt from the December 2017 issues of Reason.) There are many “coming of age” milestones along the path to adulthood, such as changes in our bodies during puberty or learning to manage time and money with babysitting jobs or paper routes. But most of us agree that learning to drive ranks right up there among the “biggies” for gaining independence. We have seen that some young people today do not share the obsession for learning to drive that many former generations once had. Perhaps that is due to social media and therefore less urgency to drive to see friends when access is so easy without physical proximity. But another factor might be also that some parents are reluctant to encourage what might feel like a compromise of safety – and not just regarding driving, but in general in our modern child-rearing culture. And our current society has endorsed that idea.

There is increasing concern that “helicoptering,” which was intended to keep children safe, is backfiring. Kids whose parents don’t encourage learning through experience and troubleshooting and resilience when things go wrong run the risk of becoming fearful, sedentary and lacking sufficient coping skills. The only person I’ve ever met who was not nervous teaching his kids how to drive is an orthopedic surgeon who daily teaches others to be orthopedic surgeons! He encourages novice physicians to jump in and make mistakes so they can learn while he is there to bail them out. But he knows one only truly learns by doing. Driving is the same. Help your children learn to drive on highways and in the snow. Coach them on parallel parking and dealing with rush hour. The world will not bend to meet your children, so if you teach them to be adaptable, instead of sheltering them from challenging experiences, they will be far more prepared for adulthood and feel more confidence than fear. It is important that we help our kids stay reasonably safe through the risks of this world without sacrificing their navigation through the growing process and mastery of adulthood. They must learn to be self-sufficient and resilient. Helping to teach kids how to drive safely and manage themselves from the place of independence where their car takes them – this is our job as responsible adults raising other responsible adults.

Reference: https://www.google.com/amp/s/reason.com/ archives/2017/10/26/the-fragile-generation/amp.