The “other” victim

Guest Contributor: Jenny Carter, WhenSeanSpeaks.com

It is easy to empathize with the victim of a drunk-driving crash. It often leaves us feeling angry at the drunk driver, and sad for the family members and friends of the victim of such a senseless tragedy. As you read about it in the paper or on social media, you feel a gut wrench and then you silently give thanks that it was not someone that you knew or loved.

For every victim of a drunk-driving crash, there could be someone else who also becomes a victim. Although I don’t like to think about myself in those terms, I have to admit that I am one of those; the “other” victim.

My 22-year-old son Sean was critically and tragically injured as the passenger in a single vehicle drunk-driving crash more than 11 years ago. Life as I knew it changed forever the moment the truck my son was riding in slammed into a tree. Emerging from a 39-day coma, Sean was unable to talk or walk. I could talk about all that my son has had to endure as he has struggled to move forward in this life, but this story is about what happened to me.

I was a single, empty nester. Fifty-three years old, with a satisfying job that often had me flying around the country to carry out my responsibilities as billing coordinator for a group of 4,700 ER doctors. In my spare time, I had begun training for a marathon with a group of friends. In fact, in December of 2004, I had completed at least 3 half marathons as well as my first full marathon. I had achieved a place in the lottery to participate in the New York City Marathon the next December.

Because of Sean’s injuries, I gave up my job, and with no income and no financial safety net, I gave up the life I was living to devote myself completely to the care of my child. When I moved Sean home to my apartment after nine months in rehab, I was consumed with his needs.

For two years, I had to feed my son because he was unable to feed himself. Five years went by before he could completely toilet on his own and six years before he could transfer himself in and out of his wheelchair. 11 years later, I can count the nights I have been away from him without using all my fingers.

Drunk driving creates many victims, and while I consider myself one of the lucky ones because I still have my son, drunk driving has forever changed our lives in ways we never would have imagined. Let's not forget the impact and the ripple effect of drunk driving and countless other victims created when someone makes the choice to drive drunk.